Anger can paralyze your emotions when it takes control of you. You become hyper-focused on the offending event or person, boiling over, and eventually “losing it.” Hopefully, it doesn’t happen to you very often but we can all think of a time we have “lost it” and anger won our mind and our mouths!
Anger covers a range of emotions from “a little perturbed” to full force rage—where things are thrown and something is broken. It’s unpredictable.
Where does your anger typically happen? Usually, you do not rage while home alone. Anger reveals your heart in very public ways where everybody can see. You speak words out dripping with emotion, and you can never take them back.
The obvious solution to these expressions of rage is self-control. But when you’ve “lost it”—it was insurmountably difficult to have that self-control. You didn’t have a chance! Anger is a choice. You can choose to get angry and it quickly becomes a habit. Maybe you know some angry people that say things like, “Well I just say what’s on my mind. I don’t care what anybody thinks.” That’s code for “I hurt people around me without thinking about it first.”
Anger is a form of temporary insanity. Anger overcomes you, your mind goes on vacation, and self-control vanishes.
David Goes Nuts
In 1 Samuel 25, we read about David, his men and their relationship with a wealthy land-owner. Nabal owned 3,000 sheep and 1,000 goats. David and his men contributed to Nabal’s success by providing safety and security, so when it was sheep-shearing time, they anticipated compensation or a “tip” for their service. Nabal refuses and gets pretty high and mighty as he tells David where to go.
David lost it. He is angry and about to unleash a whole lot of revenge on Nabal and his household. David and his men arm themselves and set out to destroy Nabal—and likely would have except for the intervention of Nabal’s wife, Abigail. She brings gifts and takes all the blame for Nabal’s poor treatment and his salty words. She covers for her husband and it works.
1 Sam. 25:32-35
32 David replied to Abigail, “Praise the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you to meet me today! 33 Thank God for your good sense! Bless you, for keeping me from murder and from carrying out vengeance with my own hands. 34 For I swear by the Lord, the God of Israel, who has kept me from hurting you, that if you had not hurried out to meet me, not one of Nabal’s men would still be alive tomorrow morning.” 35 Then David accepted her present and told her, “Return home in peace. I have heard what you said. We will not kill your husband.” (NLT)
Abigail handles the situation for her husband, sparing him and many others in their household. Husbands do not handle every situation perfectly and a good wife protects her husband. Wives sometimes handle their husband and that’s not a bad thing.
Rules of Engagement for Dealing with Anger
First, when dealing with anger, don’t retaliate. They launched an attack and you either defend yourself or you launch an attack back. When anger is engaged, tit for tat doesn’t work. Whether you are talking to your wife or your boss, the moment the conversation becomes an argument, it becomes unhealthy. Winning hearts and minds becomes difficult when strong emotions are engaged. Just get out of that conversation!
Next, try to see things from their perspective. You don’t have to agree with them but looking at things from their point-of-view will help diffuse your emotions. When you let go of anger, you will be able to see the problem more clearly and get a fresh perspective on creative solutions. It’s worthwhile to gain understanding. People feel loved when they feel heard and understood.
Next, look for the fear button. The fear button is the trigger—the word or event that brings the anger. Being aware of the root cause of the emotion can help you avoid and diffuse anger situations.
Finally, be wise. Fight quick conclusions and pray to get God’s perspective. Looking at them with God’s eyes will help you set aside thoughts of revenge. Going over it in your head, you may convince yourself that they need to be punished. Your anger dictates that they need to hurt because they hurt you. Resist. Deal with them with forgiveness and kindness.
The Rock, Your Place to Belong
At the Rock, you can belong before you believe. Use the links to the right to begin your relationship with Rock Church. If you are local to Fargo, click the “free movie ticket” button to the right and check out one of our services, every Sunday at 10 AM, at West Acres Cinema. If you are not local to our area, that’s okay. There are all kinds of ways that you can participate in the happenings at Rock Church. We have many people that only interact with our church online. Use the “become a friend” button to be included in everything we are doing.
