It seemed like a simple enough assignment: grab a gallon of milk from the grocery store. But once I stood in the dairy aisle, things got… complicated. Whole milk, skim, 1%, 2% (what’s the other 98%?). Then plant-based: oat, rice, soy, coconut, almond. I get coconut—there’s actual milk inside. But how do you milk an almond?
Eventually, I spotted the perfect gallon—Amy’s favorite brand, type, and percentage. But so did another husband on the same mission. He was eyeing that last gallon like it was the Holy Grail. What do I do? I’m a Christian… a pastor… do I say, “Bless you, brother. Take the milk”?
Let’s be honest—nope. Not that day.
🪞 Mirror, Mirror on the Phone
Putting ourselves first is one of the most natural things we do. Take a group photo with your friends—whose face do you look for first? Yours. If you look good, it’s a great photo, no matter how awkward everyone else looks. That’s just how we’re wired.
Culture encourages this self-focus:
- “Put yourself first.”
- “You deserve me-time.”
- “Prioritize your needs.”
- “Do what’s best for you.”
But Philippians 2 tells a different story:
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”
—Philippians 2:3-4 (NIV)
💡 Almost True… But Not Quite
Culture preaches a message that sounds wise, feels true, and—if we’re not careful—slips into our theology.
“You can’t love others until you love yourself.”
“Self-care isn’t selfish.”
“Cut off anyone who doesn’t add to your life.”
“You don’t owe anyone anything.”
These messages almost sound right. But that’s the danger—they’re almost true.
Paul warned us of times like these:
“People will be lovers of themselves… lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power.”
—2 Timothy 3:1–5
We can end up building a “faith” that’s more about serving our preferences than serving God. It’s subtle, but real: Self-centered Christianity—where our priorities and comfort sit at the center, not Christ.
🚨 When Self-Care Turns into Self-Obsession
Let me be clear: there’s value in rest, in mental health, in margin. But somewhere along the way, our generation became obsessed with self-prioritization:
- Guarding our me-time
- Avoiding inconvenience
- Keeping people at a distance if they “don’t serve us”
Yet we’re more anxious, stressed, and depressed than ever. Could it be we don’t struggle with self-love because we lack it… but because we overdo it?
❤️ What Did Jesus Say?
When asked about the greatest commandment, Jesus gave us this:
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
—Mark 12:30–31
Some read that as, “You must love yourself first.” But Jesus never commands us to love ourselves. Why?
Because He assumes we already do.
We already prioritize our comfort. We already protect our time, our space, our feelings. We already love ourselves—sometimes a little too well.
When Jesus says, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” He isn’t telling us to boost our self-esteem. He’s challenging us to equalize our concern—to shift from a “me-first” posture to an “others-first” practice.
🧭 Final Thought
The world screams, “Live your truth! Love yourself first!” But Jesus calls us to a higher way. Not one driven by self-interest, but by sacrificial love.
Self-love isn’t always wrong. But when it becomes your gospel, it’s no longer just unhelpful…
It’s almost true.
And almost true can be the most dangerous kind of lie.
